just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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