Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
