If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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