That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
