You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
