trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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