hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize