Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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