In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
