i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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