I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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