woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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