I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
