Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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