I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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