not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
wow bdsm is so cute
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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