the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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