I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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