Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
