Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
