well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
