I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Verdict: uncircumcised.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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