Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
