i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize