Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize