i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
