You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
