Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
