a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are a genius and a whore.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize