He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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