i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
