Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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