I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
