Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize