Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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