DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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