Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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