I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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