you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
