it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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