Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
