IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex on a dog bed..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
