Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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