please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
