my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
