Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
