Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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