he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a search helicopter?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
