I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
