I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
