i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
