I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
