Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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