I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
