Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
