i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
