eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
