lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
