even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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