Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
