after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
