She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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