with your own penis?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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